10 of the Weirdest Deaths in Ancient Greece

 

 

You won’t believe the ways in which these ancient Greeks died, some senseless, some embarrassing, some ridiculous, some hilarious but all curious, unusual and bizarre.

Samuel Johnson, English critic, biographer, essayist and poet, regarded as one of the greatest figures of the 18th-century, stated:

“It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives”

I’m sure though, the following illustrious figures of ancient Greece, would beg to differ.

The weird and bizarre ways, in which they met their deaths, would have most likely, back in the day, eclipsed the importance of their life’s work.

Imagine, if you will, conversations in ancient Athenian coffee houses, after learning of the embarrassing way in which Aeschylus went to meet his maker:

 

Euripides:

  “Hey, Sophocles, did you hear about old Aeschylus?”

Sophocles:

  “what? Was his latest tragedy booed out of Epidaurus?”

Euripides:

“Tragedy” (laughing and slapping his knee), “the old man of tragedy didn’t know the meaning of the word until yesterday; he’s dead and you’ll never guess how it happened”

(Uncontrollable laughter) “After surviving so many battles, which he bravely fought for Greece, he only went and got himself killed by a tortoise dropping on his head”

Sophocles:

 “ OMZ! Oh my Zeus, I swear to Zeus I don’t believe it, quick, call a Marathon runner, I need to let my cousin in Sparta know about this!”

Maybe Peter Pans’s thoughts on the subject of death are more fitting for these esteemed men of ancient Greece:

“To die will be an awfully big adventure”.

 

10 of the Weirdest Deaths in Ancient Greece

 

1. It came out of nowhere:

Aeschylus breathed his last when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his head

 

 

 Aeschylus (525 – 455 BC), known as the Father of Tragedy, one of history’s greatest playwrights is famous, not only for his plays, including Persians, Seven against Thebes, Oresteia and Prometheus Bound.

 Aeschylus is also known for his role as a Hero Warrior Greek who fought in the Battle of Marathon and the Battle of Salamis.

After visiting the Oracle at Delphi, where the priestess of the day predicted his death would be caused by a heavy object falling on his head whilst indoors.

Aeschylus became paranoid about being in enclosed spaces and spent as much time as possible in open spaces.

 

 

Either the oracle got it wrong or Aeschylus understood things back to front.

 One day, whilst sitting outdoors in Sicily, an eagle flying overhead, clutching a tortoise in its talons, mistook Aeschylus’ shiny bald head for a rock, which was ideal for spitting open the tortoises hard shell, allowing the eagle to get to the tasty meat within.

The eagle took aim, let go of the tortoise, which dropped like a lead weight, hitting Aeschylus smack bang on top of his head, killing him instantly, he never knew what hit him.

A fitting, dramatic end to the life of Ancient Greece’s most famous dramatist!

 

2.  Victory over death:

Arrichion became the first (and probably last) corpse to be crowned with an Olympian olive wreath

 

 

 

Arrichion was a pankratias, a hero of the pankration championships of the 572 BC and 568 BC Olympics.

He did so well, he thought he may as well make a hat trick of it and so, when the 564 BC Olympics came around, he entered for a third time, as it turned out third time lucky did not apply for Arrichion.

The pankration was a no holds barred sporting event, introduced into the Greek Olympic Games in 648 BC.

It was a sport with more or less no rules which involved boxing, wrestling, kicking, holds, locks, and chokes, only biting and eye gouging were not allowed but hey, who obeys every rule?

 

 

The term pankration comes from the Greek παγκράτιον – paŋkrátion, meaning ‘all of power’; strength, might, power, the original Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), so to speak.

 

 

Arrichion was in fine fettle for the 564 BC Olympics; it wasn’t until the last leg of the pankration that things started to go wrong.

His adversary grabbed him from behind in a strangle hold, choking the life’s breath out of Arrichion, whilst at the same time digging his feet into his groin.

Being the ever wily Greek, Arrichion, gurgled and spluttered a bit before pretending to pass out, causing his opponent to loosen his grip.

This was his chance; Arrichion, nimbly caught him in a leg lock, snapped his ankle and with a great surge of strength, hurled his opponent from him.

The sudden pain inflicted on Arrichion’s opponent by this sudden move was unbearable; he was done and signaled his submission to the judges, giving the game to Arrichion.

However, what hadn’t been noticed by the judges, was that Arrichion’s last manoeuvre of throwing off his opponent, who still had him in a chokehold, had broken his neck, Arrichion was dead!

 

 

Rules are rules (mostly), his opponent had surrendered, dead or alive, Arrichion was declared the victor.

With the Olympic olive wreath crowning his dead head, the corpse of Arrichion was escorted back amidst pomp and glory to his birthplace of Phigaleia, an ancient Greek city of Arcadia.

 

3. Death by appreciation:

Draco was smothered to death by the items of clothing thrown at him by his fans

 

 

 

In about 621 BC, the city of Athens was in an ongoing state of political decline and social unrest; things were dire, so the citizens asked Draco, an important aristocratic, ancient Greek statesman, to abolish the system of oral law, as well as the blood feud (vendetta or clan wars), which were under the control of the aristocratic class and introduce new, written laws, which could only be enforced by a court of law.

Before the introduction of Draco’s laws, there was no written law in ancient Athens; laws did exist but only orally and were little known to the citizens of Athens, especially the poorer ones with no status, which made for an extremely unfair legal system

Most of Draco’s laws are not known, what we do know though, is that they were extremely harsh, brutal in fact, even the smallest and most insignificant of crimes, such as stealing a cabbage, was punishable with death.

 

 

Notwithstanding the severness of Draco’s drastic new laws, which disregarded the question of; ‘does the punishment fit the crime?’ the effects were positive, people gained a better understanding of what discipline meant and the crime rate dropped astoundingly.

 

Draco’s fans show their appreciation

 

Despite not much being known about Draco’s life in general, his death was another matter and not surprisingly, it was one of the most bizarre deaths of Ancient Greece.

After being exiled from Athens by its citizens, Draco spent his remaining days on the island of Aegina.

Here, in around 600 B.C, after speaking to a full house in the Aeginetan theatre, his fans showed their approval, as was the custom in those days, by throwing any item of clothing upon his head that came to hand; shirts, coats, cloaks, hats, you name it, they threw it.

It seems he must have been quite popular in Aegina; the heap of clothing which covered Draco was astonishingly huge, so huge in fact that he suffocated and died!

An extraordinary death for an extraordinary man, who left us, in memory of him, the word Draconian, today though, I’m sure no one would be sentenced to death for stealing a cabbage.

 

4. Shamed to death:

Bupalus was so insulted, he hung himself

 

 

 

Back in the 6th century BC, Bupalus, a famous sculptor with a vicious tongue, from the Greek island of Chios and Hipponax of Ephesus, a poet of the most vulgar of verses and malicious wit, were known for their not so friendly banter with each other.

Things got out of hand between the two when Hipponax fell in love with the daughter of Bupalus and asked for her hand in marriage.

Now Hipponax was said to be one the ugliest men in history, a man with a gargoyle face to match his ugly character, it’s not clear but either the girl rejected Hipponax’s proposal of marriage, or, her father, Bupalus, forbid it, either way, the knives were out.

Hipponax retaliated by penning a handful of slanderous verses about Bupalus, who threw fuel on the fire by sculpting a monstrously ugly caricature of Hipponax which he publically displayed for all to ridicule.

 

 

Hipponax, beside himself with anger, then penned some of his most obscene poems, in which he calls Bupalus a godforsaken wretch and goes on to describe, in detail, the perverted and forbidden intimacies Bupalus got up to with his own mother.

On hearing what Hipponax has written about him, Bupalus is mortified, filled with shame and unable to face the public, he takes his own life.

 

5. Manure happens:

Heraclitus covered himself in cow dung and was devoured by dogs

 

 

 

The sixth-century BC ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus of Ephesus, self taught and critical of other philosophers, was a  grumpy individual, noted for his general hatred and distrust of humanity, a man who had a good word for no one.

He avoided contact with other people at all costs; in fact, he went as far as retreating into the wilderness for long periods at a time, living off any plants and herbs he could gather, eventually he rejected society completely.

Heraclitus suffered from dropsy, a painful and debilitating ailment caused by the swelling of soft tissues due to the accumulation of excess water.

Who knows, maybe distress over his illness, is why the poor man was so cantankerous?

Even though doctors told Heraclitus nothing could be done to cure or alleviate his affliction, the stubborn old man knew he could heal himself, these doctors didn’t know what they were talking about.

 

 

The ‘Eurika’ moment was cow dung

 

Heraclitus knew, if he could only draw the moisture, or excess fluids from his body, all would be well and spent the next few hours figuring out how to do this.

His ‘Eurika’ moment was cow dung, yes, you read that right; cow dung.

His theory was; if he covered himself from head to foot with a thick layer of cow dung and then lay in the hot sun, the heat of the manure would draw out the noxious excess fluid which was torturing his body.

Heraclitus couldn’t wait to see the look on the doctor’s face when his prognosis was proved wrong and the next day, as soon as the sun was high in the sky, he covered himself in cow dung and spread-eagled on his back, settled down to wait for things to heat up.

 

 

It’s not sure whether Heraclitus meant to fall asleep or not but that’s what happened.

He awoke at nightfall, to find himself surrounded  by a pack of frenzied dogs, on trying to jump up and escape, Heraclitus realized that the hours of heat from the sun had turned the cow dung rock hard, it were as though he was encased in a full body plaster cast, he couldn’t move a muscle.

The dogs advanced on their prey and with no further ado, devoured poor Heraclitus alive, cow dung and all.

 

6. I Died laughing:

First Zeuxis and then, three centuries later, Chrysippus, laugh themselves to death

 

 

 

Here we have two examples of when laughter was definitely not the best medicine!

Both Zeuxis, an ancient Greek painter, famous for realism and Chrysippus, an ancient Greek philosopher, known for his warped sense of humour, laughed themselves to death.

Zeuxis, born in Heraclea, Southern Italy, who lived during the fifth century BC, was a master of still life with an unprecedented ability to mirror nature.

 Zeuxis’s ‘Helen’, a painting of Helen of Troy, classed as the most beautiful woman of ancient Greece, with the face that launched a thousand ships, was one of most famous paintings of the era.

Zeuxis, a lover of the female body, had the image of the ideal nude forever imprinted in his head, so you can understand how he laughed himself to death over a painting he had made of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of procreation, pleasure, love, and beauty, commissioned by an old woman, who insisted she be the model for the young, beautiful and luscious Aphrodite.

Zeuxis agreed but on seeing the finished result; the unprecedented beauty of Aphrodite, portrayed as a wrinkled old crone, burst out laughing, choked and died!

 

Chrysippus drops dead laughing at his own joke

 

Three centuries after Zeuxis laughed himself to death, we hear of Chrysippus, an arrogant Greek Stoic philosopher, born around 279 BC, coming to the same end; he dropped dead laughing and at his own joke!

 

 

Be it Chrysippus was seventy three years old, he still loved to party like a Greek but didn’t drink like one.

 Ancient Greeks considered drinking undiluted wine a barbaric habit indeed, no Greek of any standing would ever drink wine as it came, straight from the barrel, the usual ratio was three parts water to one part wine, rather like wine with your water than water with your wine!

 Wine was to be appreciated and savoured, not used as a means to become intoxicated and lose all self-esteem.

 

 

Chrysippus was well known for his disregard of this rule.

One day, at a party, as per usual, inebriated with undiluted wine, his eye fell upon a donkey attempting to eat some extremely sticky figs, to Chrysippus this spectacle was one of the most hilarious things he had ever seen.

 Laughing until tears were streaming down his face, he called out; ‘That donkey’s in need of undiluted wine to help wash down those figs’ and so he plied the donkey with neat wine.

 

 

A drunken donkey chomping on sticky figs was too much, even for Chrysippus, who literally killed himself laughing.

 

7. Nowhere to run:

  Milo of Croton became stuck in a tree and was eaten alive by wolves

 

 

 

Milo of Croton was a 6th-century BC wrestler, of extraordinary strength, from the Magna Graecian city of Croton (Calabria, Italy), a six-time Olympic champion; a sort of Charles Atlas of ancient Greece.

Milo, also a brave warrior who, in 510 BC, wearing his Olympic crowns, a lion skin, and brandishing a club like Greek Hero, Hercules led the Crotons to victory in the war with the neighboring city of Sybaris.

Milo is said to have maintained his remarkable strength by carrying a bull around on his shoulders and religiously consuming twenty pounds of meat, twenty pounds of bread and ten litres of wine daily.

 

 

Ironically, it was his fixation with proving his power that brought about Milo’s untimely and bizarre death.

One day, whilst enjoying a stroll through the woods, Milo spotted a tree trunk, partially spilt in two, secured with wedges, never one to pass up a challenge, Milo, with his bare hands tried to rip the tree apart.

As Milo prized the two halves of the tree trunk apart, the wedges dropped out, causing the two halves to suddenly spring back together, trapping his hands between them.

The mighty Milo was beaten, try as he might, he couldn’t free his hands, he was stuck.

After hours of struggling to free himself, wolves, who had caught the scent of Milo, gathered ominously around the tree.

The rest is history; Milo was eaten alive by wolves.

 

8. He never saw it coming:

Pyrrhus died when a roof tile landed on his head:

 

 

 

One of the Greatest Greek Generals and a statesman of ancient Greece, Pyrrhus of Epirus (319 – 272 BC), a relative of Alexander the Great, knew no fear, he was ruthless but always ready to put his own life before that of his men.

He was a man who demanded victory above all, at all costs and from this trait of his, comes the phrase; “Pyrrhic victory” which means, a victory so costly, it’s no better than defeat.

 

 

Can you credit it then, that this proud and fearless warrior, when, in 272 BC, fighting to gain peace, during a conflict between the citizens of Argos, a city in Peloponnese, came to an embarrassing end when he was killed by an old lady armed only with a roof tile?

The lady in question, the mother of one of Pyrrhus’s opponents, was observing the ongoing battle from her rooftop, when she saw Pyrrhus moving towards her son with a deadly look in his eye, her motherly, protective instincts set in and we all know how strong they can be, enough to move mountains.

As quick as a flash, the lady grabbed a loose roof tile and threw it, with all her might, towards Pyrrhus.

 Was it a matter of luck, or did she have a good eye?

Either way, the heavy ceramic tile hit Pyrrhus fairly and squarely on the top of his head, instantly knocking him from his horse, seeing his chance, an enemy soldier, with one fell swoop of his sharp sword, chopped off the head of Pyrrhus.

What an undignified end it was the hallowed warrior King of Epirus, to be felled by a roof tile flung at him by an old woman during a skirmish in the streets of Argos.

 

9. Down the rabbit hole:

 Empedocles jumped into a volcano to prove his immortality

 

 

 

Empedocles (494 – 434 BC), an ancient Greek philosopher from Akragas (in Italian Agrigento), a Greek city in Sicily, was considered to be one of the greatest intellectuals and most talented physicians of his time.

 Much Influenced by Pythagoras and the Pythagoreans, Empedocles was best known for his cosmogonic theory of the four classical elements, in which he proposed that everything in existence is made of different combinations of four elements: air, fire, wind and earth.

He was the first person in history to suggest that today’s life on Earth evolved from a process we could only describe as natural selection where only the strong survive.

Another hypothesis of his is that of ‘Love and Strife’; two divine forces which penetrate the universe and act as moving powers; love brings about fusion, and strife separation.

 

 

Empedocles:

A man with a  superiority complex and delusions of grandeur

 

Empedocles, a wealthy man with a huge superiority complex and delusions of grandeur, would swan around the city, dressed in purple robes cinched with a golden belt, a Delphic crown atop his head and bronze sandals adorning his feet, trailing a crowd of fawning fans behind him.

Already convinced he was a god who possessed magical powers, including the ability to cure diseases, stop aging, and control the weather.

The arrogant and conceited Empedocles’ delusions, finally came to a head, when he managed to cure a woman of her illness, whom previously, no other physician had been able to do.

This was the absolute proof, to the crazy lunatic Empedocles, that he was an immortal god whose rightful place was amongst all other Greek gods residing on Mount Olympus.

On seeing that his followers, even after his latest achievement, were still not entirely convinced of his godliness, Empedocles, invited them accompany him to the top of Mount Etna, where they would witness the greatest spectacle of the century.

 

The end of Empedocles

 

He would authenticate his divinity, before their very eyes, by throwing himself into the raging, fiery mouth of Mount Etna which would consume his mortal body, after which, he would return as a god and they would marvel as they watched him ascend to Mount Olympus.

 

 

His fans faithfully trailed behind Empedocles on their way up the slopes of Mount Etna, where, upon reaching the mouth of the bubbling volcano, Empedocles turned to the crowd, raised his arms to heaven and declared ‘Behold, a god is born’ and took a swallow dive into the fiery cauldron.

The crowd waited anxiously, the minutes ticked by, no unearthly apparition appeared before their eyes, what was taking so long?

 

 

Just as the watchers were wondering if they should call it a day and return home, the volcano spewed out some unidentifiable object high into the air, the crowd, thinking this to be a godly form of Empedocles, raced to where the object had landed.

Alas, all they saw were the charred remains of one of Empedocles’ bronze sandals.

Scratching their heads, the crowd was left wondering; did this mean Empedocles was not immortal at all?

One thing was for sure; it was the end of Empedocles!

 

10. Nil by Mouth:

Philitas starved himself to death for the errors of others

 

 

 

Philitas of Cos (340-285 BC), the first major Greek writer to be classed as both a scholar and a poet was one of the most significant intellectual figures of the early Hellenistic years.

Obsessed with the study of words, Philitas, wrote a book, most likely in the form of a dictionary, explaining the meanings of rare words, words from dialects, and technical terms called; ‘Disorderly Words’  (Aτακτοι γλῶσσαι, Átaktoi glôssai), which unfortunately, along with most of his other works and poetry, has been lost.

 

 

A thin and frail man, of whom it’s said, placed lead weights in his shoes, to stop himself from being blown away by the wind, Philitas was an eccentric and pedantic perfectionist, who could not help but constantly correct other’s writing mistakes; the original grammar police!

If he heard someone use a wrong word or make a grammatical mistake, he would spend days writing reams and reams about why the word had been used out of context, which word should have been used and why, he went on and on and on.

 

 

Gradually, Philitas’ mania for rectifying the grammatical errors of others, became all-consuming, it took over his life, nothing else mattered, he stopped sleeping and eventually, even eating, finally, sometime in the 280s BC, Philitas, allegedly starved to death.

 

Thank goodness memories fade

 

It’s to the advantage of the above twelve influential men of ancient Greece, that memories fade, especially when it has to do with ‘nine day wonder’ happenings, as were the absurd nature of their deaths.

Slowly, with the passing of time, people did not automatically think of the bizarre ways in which they died, when their names were mentioned but instead, remembered them once again, for the legacies each one of them had bestowed upon Greece.