20 of the Funniest and Dirtiest Nonsensical Greek Expressions

Funniest and dirtiest nonsensical Greek one-liners. Image N.Athanasakou

Funniest and dirtiest nonsensical Greek one-liners. Image Nais Athanasakou

Greek isn’t one of the easiest foreign languages to master and when it comes to everyday quips and wisecrack sayings, which usually contain Greek slang, unless you are Greek, or have lived in their country for about half a century, you will find some of them positively nonsensical.

As a non-Greek, when you do manage to finally grasp the meaning of these insanely absurd one-liners, which are thrown into conversation willy nilly by Greeks, without batting an eyelid, you may very well find yourself rolling around on the floor laughing with your legs in the air!

I have done my best to decipher these twenty, off the wall Greek expressions for you, of which there is no perfect translation, and I’ll just add here, sorry in advance, for some of the more er, how can I put it, indelicate, smutty sayings?

I considered leaving them out but they are some of the best, in my opinion, and Greeks take no offence with them whatsoever, all used in good fun, after all, the Greek preoccupation with all things erotic, goes back thousands of years, to ancient Greece, when sexuality and love were linked to the creation of Earth, Heaven and Hell.

Their penchant for bodily functions, that, I can’t explain, but no doubt Sigmund Freud, psychoanalyst, would have a field day!

Funny Greek nonsensical expressions

1. You’ll eat wood

‘Tha fas xilo’ –‘You’ll eat wood’, Greek expression.

‘Tha fas xilo’, you’ll eat wood’ mother’s are frequently heard threatening unruly children with this phrase, meaning, watch it, or you’ll be getting a slap, or a beating.

Xilo is the Greek word for wood, so, I’m assuming, originally, the phrase meant you were about to be whacked with a piece of wood.

2. You’ve made my life a roller skate

‘Mou eheis kanei ti zoe patini‘ – ‘you’ve made my life a roller skate” – Greek expression.

If someone has turned your life upside down, made your life hell, a Greek is likely to wail; ‘Mou eheis kanei ti zoe patini‘, you’ve made my life a roller skate, meaning, nothing ever goes steady, or to plan, living your life on roller skates.

3. Grab an egg and shave it

‘Pias to avgo kai kourefto‘ – ‘Grab an egg and shave it’ Greek expression.

‘Pias to avgo kai kourefto‘, grab an egg and shave it, a retort used when faced with an impossible situation, or as an answer to a question which seems to have no solution, meaning, you might as well try to shave an egg; an impossible task.

4. I’ve lost my eggs and baskets

‘Eho hasei ta avga kai ta pashalia’ – ‘I’ve lost my eggs and baskets’ Greek expression.

You’ve no idea what’s going on, completely lost, puzzled and confused?

If this happens to you in Greece, just say; ‘Eho hasei ta avga kai ta pashalia’, I’ve lost my eggs and my baskets, they’ll know exactly what you mean.

5. Pierce my nose

‘Tripa mou ti miti‘ – ‘Pierce my nose’ Greek expression.

You’re having a discussion with someone, a Greek, who, of course, knows everything, he’s never wrong, to prove his point, he may declare, if I’m wrong; ‘Tripa mou ti miti‘, pierce my nose, or, put a hole in my nose!

6. He paid the bride

‘Plirose ti nifi‘ – ‘He paid the bride’ Greek expression

‘Plirose ti nifi‘, he paid the bride, this means, whose ever fault it was, you will be blamed, you did nothing, you weren’t even there, never mind, you and only you will be the one to pay the price.

This saying comes from a marriage that was not to be, in Athens, in 1843, two wealthy families were to be united, through the marriage of the daughter of Georgos Flami, and the son of Sotiris Talianis.

All was arranged, the wedding day dawned and guests and the groom were waiting at the church, Saint Irene’s in the Plaka region of Athens.

Time passed, but the bride never made an appearance, apparently, she was in love with someone else, in a fit of anger at his humiliation, the groom searched for his intended, with the intention of killing her, luckily for the bride, he never found her.

The groom’s family, set of for the home of the bride, at least, they thought, we will take back our expensive presents which we presented to the bride and her family.

Alas, to add insult to injury, George Flami, the intended bride’s father, must have had some notion of what his wayward daughter might pull on her big day, and had prepared a paper, which he had the groom sign, stating, whatever happened, whether the couple married or not, any presents given to the bride, were not to be returned.

So evolved the saying; he paid the bride.

7. Slowly the cabbage

‘Siga ta lahana – ‘Slowly the cabbage’ Greek expression

‘Siga ta lahana‘, slowly the cabbage, a snappy comeback uttered at some banal, unimaginative or boring statement, meaning, ‘what you just said is about as dull, unimportant, or as invaluable as a cabbage”.

8. I wrote you on my old shoes

‘se grafo sta palia mou ta papoutsia’, meaning – ‘I wroteyou on my old shoes’ Greek expression

When telling a Greek something, or showing him something, of which he has no interest in at all, to him it means nothing, he simply doesn’t care, or, he is ignoring you, a likely retort would be; ‘se grafo sta palia mou ta papoutsia’, meaning, ‘these old shoes mean nothing to me, they’ve lost their value, they have your name on them, which means about the same to me”.

The rather crude version of this saying, is the same, but with ‘my old shoes’, replaced with the Greek word for a certain part of the male anatomy!

9. Your eyes fourteen

‘Ta matia sou dekatessera‘ – ‘Your eyes fourteen’ Greek expression.

‘Ta matia sou dekatessera‘, your eyes fourteen, means, in a dangerous or dodgy situation, or dealing with a rather underhand or deceitful person, you should be on your guard, have your eyes open, have your eyes peeled.

10. Should I sniff my nails?

‘Na miriso ta nihia mou? – ‘Should I sniff my nails’ Greek expression.

‘Na miriso ta nihia mou?’Should I sniff my nails?, this is how a Greek may respond to something he is not expected to know the answer to, as if to say ‘How should I know, do you think if I sniff my fingernails they will tell me the answer?’

This saying arose from ancient Greece, when, before athletes entered the arena, as is usual today, bets were placed on who would be the victor.

Many punters, as was done back in the day, visited the ancient Greek oracles, who would dip their fingers into a magic potion, made from the oil of laurel leaves, and smell their finger nails, the smell of the potion was said to put them into a trance, a dream-like state, in which the name of the victor was revealed to them.

11. I don’t have any intestines left

‘Den mas emine antero’, ‘I don’t have any intestines left’ Greek expression

The expresion; ‘Den mas emine antero’, I don’t have any intestines left, is used when you can’t stop laughing, when you laugh so much, you feel fit to die, and are sure you laughed your intestines clean out of your body.

12. The feet got up to hit the head

‘Sikothikan ta podia na ktipisoun to kefali’ – ‘The feet got up to hit the head’.

‘Sikothikan ta podia na ktipisoun to kefali’, the feet got up to hit the head, means, who do the lowly feet think they are, rising up to hit the superior head?

The phrase is used in a situation when someone acts above his station, or, brags about something, to someone who has achieved much more than he himself has, and more or less means, who do they think they are?

13. I ate a door

‘Efaga porta’, ‘I ate a door’ – Greek expression.

‘Efaga porta’, I ate a door, means rejection, a door was closed in my face, for instance, “I tried to get into that posh nightclub, but, I ate door’; they threw me out, the door was slammed in my face.

Or, on learning he didn’t get the job, after an interview, a Greek might say, ‘I ate a door’; I was passed over, rejected.

Funny but rather dirty, or smutty nonsensical Greek expressions

14. The whore is happening

‘Yinete tis poutanas’, the whore is happening – Greek expression – Seven Deadly Sins – by Elizabeth Shafer

‘Yinete tis poutanas’, the whore is happening, is usually used to say that a place is crowded, packed full, such as a shop, a bar, or a marketplace.

It can also mean, all hell has been let loose.

15. Sh*t in your face

‘Skata sta moutra sou‘ – Sh*t in your face, Greek expression

‘Skata sta moutra sou‘, Sh*t in your face, will be said to someone acting stupidly, or foolishly, or who has said something silly, or is being pretentious or ostatious.

16. You fart on us

‘Mas klaneis‘, you fart on us – Greek expression

‘Mas klaneis’, you fart on us, means ‘you stood me up’, ‘you left me stranded’, or ‘you let me down’.

17. I dropped her

‘Tin eriksa‘, I dropped her, or, I pushed her – Greek expression

‘Tin eriksa‘, I dropped her, or, I pushed her, is a Greek way of saying, ‘I had my way with her’, or, ‘I got what I wanted from her’, if you get my drift!

18. They wrote me on their butt

‘Me egrapsan ston kolo tous‘ – ‘Wrote me on their butt’ Greek expression

‘Me egrapsan ston kolo tous‘, wrote me on their butt, is another version of the Greek expression at number sixteen on the list, you fart on us, meaning, you stood me up’, ‘you left me stranded’, or ‘you let me down’.

19. We turned it into a brothel

‘To kaname bourdelo‘ – we turned it into a brothel (or a whorehouse.) Dispute in a Brothel by The Brunswick Monogrammist, an anonymous Netherlandish painter, active in the mid-to-late 16th century and has been called “the most significant precursor of Pieter Bruegel the Elder”.

Greeks will say, on turning a place upside down, or making a complete mess of things; ‘To kaname bourdelo‘, we turned it into a brothel (or a whorehouse).

20. It has made my balls swollen

‘Mou eprikse ta arhidia‘ – ‘It has made my balls swollen’ – Greek expression

When a Greek becomes exasperated with someone, or annoyed, or just wants someone to shut up, he may use the graphic phrase, ‘Mou eprikse ta arhidia‘, it has made my balls swollen, meaning, something akin to, but rather more uncouth,; you raised my blood pressure, or, you gave me a headache.

I hope you enjoyed these wacky, incongruous Greek sayings, and that I managed to get their meanings across loud and clear. These are only a few, there are many more ludicrous, short and sharp, Greek sayings, far too many for one post, so, watch this space folks, part two is in the making!