10 Hilarious Ancient Greek Tips on how to Survive Lockdown

 

 

In these trying and troubled times of isolation and lockdown, we’re all doing our best to cope; some are doing better than others.

We’re trying to deal with fear, missing loved ones and worrying about how to protect ourselves.

We have to confront boredom, weight gain, anger towards our fellow citizens who flaunt the rules, food shortage and to me, the strangest of all, which I still don’t understand, the infamous battle of the loo roll!

For the ones of you not coping too well, take comfort, look on the bright side, and take some tips from the ancient Greeks, they knew a thing or two about how to live the best life.

Whatever circumstances threw at them and they did have experience of epidemics, the earliest recorded outbreak was the plague of Athens hit ancient Greece in 430 BC, the Greeks prevailed.

 

1. How to self – protect against the Evil Eye

 

 

The Evil eye

 

Apart from taking all logical precautions against the pandemic, make doubly sure you are protected by decking yourself out with the evil eye.

Pin one to your  clothes, your pillow, hang around your neck, keep one in your bag, you can never have too many.

This must be the most well-known of Greek superstitions, the curse of the evil eye, said to be caused by jealousy and excessive praise.

 Greek evil eye charms and amulets, in the shape of eyes, are worn, carried in pockets, or hung on walls, to ward off this bad fortune.

To test if you have been unlucky enough to have been touched by the curse of the evil eye, place a drop of oil in a glass of water:

If it floats, all is well, you have not been afflicted, if it sinks though, well, then it’s a good idea to call a Greek mama to say her secret prayer for you, and when you start yawning, that’s the sign the curse is leaving you!

 

Lucky bat bones

 

For extra protection, chew on a bat bone, bat bones are considered lucky, especially on the Greek islands and are carried around in pockets and purses, to attract good luck.

On Corfu, I have heard, they believe to actually chew on bat bones brings the most luck!

 

 

 The problem here is how to acquire a good set of bat bones, as it’s known to be so unlucky to kill a bat!

 

 

2. How to get around the loo roll shortage

 

 

There’s no need to panic buy or hoard loo paper, do as the ancient Greeks did before the invention of loo paper!

 

 

In ancient Greece, as you can imagine, the luxury of toilet paper did not exist.

In its place, was a sponge, or piece of cloth, tied to the end of a stick, and this, my friends, is what the ancient Greeks used to wipe their posteriors; literally, a case of:

‘sh– on a stick’!

To make matters worse, this stick seemed to be communal.

As it was kept in a bowl of salt water, next to the hole in the ground; the lavatories of the day, so, you had to be very careful, when the stick was passed around, as needed, not to get hold of the wrong end!

This is where we get the English phrase, one of many with Greek origins: The wrong end of the stick!

Lesser mortals, without access to sponges, or the ones who lived inland, gathered pebbles.

 

 

 Pebbles were kept in piles, next to wherever the lavatory was located, and, always ones to save a drachma here and there, the saying went as follows;

“Three stones are enough to wipe”

If someone had really got your goat; literally, to wreak revenge, pots were smashed, the enemies name written on the shards, and used as were the pebbles.

 

 

3. If you are finding it tough to self-isolate

 

 

 

Do you have a touch of cabin fever; are you on the verge of disregarding the rule of staying home?

Well, if so, here’s one trick which may help, the Greek statesman, Demosthenes, when temped to abandon his studies and party like a Greek, shaved one side of his head.

 The idea here was that he would be less inclined to be seen in public with this hait do, which would give his fellow Athenians the chance to jeer and mock him.

This thought alone, was enough to make him stay at home and study.

 

 

4. When running short on booze

 

 

To alleviate the monotony of lockdown, having a glass of wine, or two or three, may just do the trick, but wait, your stash of booze is dwindling.

You can no longer run to the off license at your will, do what the ancient Greeks did, and make your booze last longer.

 Ancient Greeks considered drinking undiluted wine a barbaric habit indeed, no Greek of any standing would ever drink wine as it came, straight from the barrel.

 Wine was to be appreciated and savoured, not used as a means to become intoxicated and lose all self-esteem.

The usual ratio was three parts water to one part wine, rather like wine with your water than water with your wine; stronger mixes were saved for orgiastic symposiums, or rare celebratory occasions.

 

 

Drinking undiluted wine in ancient Greece was a major faux pas, anyone who did, was seen as a drunkard and a person who lacked restraint and principle.

It is said, that in the ancient Greek city of Sybaris, a wealthy city, located in Magna Graecia, Southern Italy, Greeks were known for their hedonistic, luxurious and opulent lifestyle.

 They went as far as to have pipelines, leading from the country vineyards, bringing wine straight into their homes.

 From this decadent, ancient city of Sybaris, originate the words “Sybarite” and “Sybaritic”.

 

 

5. Don’t worry about Weight gain

 

 

Are the lack of exercise and the urge to binge on chocolate and cakes having a detrimental effect on your weight?

All you need to do is imagine you are living in ancient Greece, where the voluptuous female figure was a thing of great beauty.

Aphrodite (Venus), goddess of beauty as well as goddess of love, pleasure, passion, procreation, fertility, beauty, and desire, was consistently portrayed with a chubby face, big boobs, and a pear-shaped body.

Ancient statues feature women with wide hips, full breasts and well-rounded tummies.

If you’re a man, things get better, men with potbellies were considered to be remarkable leaders!

 

 

6. Body image

 

Listen, don’t freak out if you can’t make your weekly appointment to the beauty parlour to have your eyebrows tweezed.

To the ancient Greeks, the unibrow was a mark of intelligence and great beauty in women.

Those not naturally endowed with this coveted beauty plus, would grab a stick of charcoal to draw one on.

 

 

Sadly, body hair was another matter.

Ancient Greek men liked their women’s bodies smooth, hair removal was also an identifier of class, aristocratic or wealthy women would remove all their body hair.

 

 

 If you’ve run out of depilatory creams, or wax, you can always resort to the ancient Greek habit of removing unwanted body hair with a technique used called threading.

Women would take some string or yarn and lace it through the fingers of both hands and quickly rub it on the area, the twisted thread would catch hairs as it is rolled across the skin, ripping and pulling out the unwanted hair, ouch!

A slightly less painful method was Sugaring; hair is removed by applying a sticky, gel-like paste made from sugar, lemon juice and water which is applied to the skin in the direction of hair growth and then peeling off with a strip of cloth.

 

 

For you men who can’t be bothered to shave, for the ancient Greeks, a beard was a sign of virility, manhood and wisdom.

 Cutting another man’s beard was a serious offense, being de-bearded was considered shameful and the ancient Greeks would often use beard cutting as a punishment.

The Spartans would shave off half of a man’s beard to show he had displayed cowardice during battle.

 

 

Forget about the sun tan

 

Has your two week holiday in the sun been put on hold this year and your dreams of an attractive deep tan been dashed?

To the ancient Greeks a deeply tanned skin was not attractive; it was an indication that the person was a slave, who worked outdoors all day under the hot Greek sun.

Pale skin was a sign of wealth for aristocratic and married women.

 

Fix your physic

 

When it comes to your expanding waistline, or weakening muscles, try some training, ancient Greek style.

Legend has it that progressive resistance training dates back to ancient Greece, when wrestler Milo of Croton, trained by carrying a newborn calf on his back every day until it was fully grown.

 If you have a dog, haul him onto your shoulders and run around the house with him ten times a day!

 

 

 

7. How to put an end domestic strife

 

 

Is being cooped up with your spouse twenty four hours a day causing you stress?

Try withholding your favours as Lysistrata did in the ancient Greek play of the same name, which is an ancient Greek comedy by Aristophanes, performed in classical Athens in 411 BC.

Lysistrata is a comic account of a woman’s mission to end the Peloponnesian War between Greek city states by denying all the men of the land any sex, which was the only thing they truly and deeply desired.

 

 

 You never know, but this may still be effective today, and it works both ways.

 

 

8. When fellow citizens don’t abide by the rules

 

 

Don’t like your local councillors preventive measures, or is your neighbour breaking lockdown rules?

In ancient Greece, there was a system, called ostrakismos – as in ostracism, where citizens could vote to exile a politician, or any citizen for 10 years.

 The name comes from ostraka, pottery shards that were used as voting tokens on which the person’s name were written,  the person whose pile contained the most ostraka would be banished.

 

 

It was used less as a form of punishment and more as a strike against people thought to be a threat against the democracy or state.

 

9. Food shortage

 

Are you having trouble finding your favourite, not so healthy, foods?

Take a tip from the Greeks, eat less, you really don’t need all you think you do, you know what they say; ‘less is more’ and ‘quality over quantity’.

Many ancient, and not so ancient Greeks (this still holds true today,) lived to over 100 years, due to a healthy Mediterranean diet.

In the North Aegean Sea is the island of Ikaria, the island of longevity, where people, so they say, forget to die.

 

 

 Ikaria is one of the five “Blue Zones” (places where the highest number of people live to a hundred).

The other four Blue Zones are; the Barbagia region in Sardinia, the Nycoya Peninsula, Costa Rica, The Seventh Day Adventists of Loma Linda , California and Okinawa, Japan.

 On Ikaria people sleep late, get up late, take frequent naps, wear no watches and pay no heed to time.

 

Live off the land

 

The people of Ikaria live off the land: herbs for flavour and also medication, goat’s milk, fresh fruit and vegetables, beans, lentils, honey; a type found only on Ikaria, very little meat and plenty of local wine make up the true “Mediterranean Diet”.

 Not only do the inhabitants of Ikaria live up to a hundred, but they are healthy with it, many working in the fields up to their nineties, and here’s a thing, most of the men smoke; heavily!

 

 

10. How to combat Boredom

 

 

You’ve spring – cleaned the house, done the gardening, read all your books and watched reruns of all your favourite films, now what?

Sleep; the Ancient Greeks insisted on taking a quick mid-day nap.

One 5th century medical text advised that a brief nap around noon kept the body from “drying out.”

 

 

Don’t limit yourself to only one nap; you now have all the time in the word, the saying ‘Go to bed you’ll feel better tomorrow’, just took on a whole new meaning!

 

If all else fails, surrender to a state of acracy: a lack of self control

 

Still having trouble conforming to all the rules and regulations of these strange times, still bingeing on chocolate, swigging back too much wine?

The ancient Greeks have a word for this too!

You are in a state of acracy; in Greek; ἀκρασία- akrasia or acrasia – lacking command, anglicized as acrasy, which means a lack of self control which prevents us from doing something that we know is good for us.

 In Plato’s Protagoras, Socrates attests that akrasia does not exist, claiming ‘No one goes willingly toward the bad’, could wise old Socrates, for once, have been deluded?

 

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